07: Your Friends are not Your Therapists
I want to take a moment to address a problem I see quite frequently in RP culture. I'm not sure if this is true across all of the different roleplaying groups or if I just got unlucky, but it sure seems like many of the players in my game spend a lot of their time complaining about problems in their life. Now, there's nothing wrong with complaining in your own personal space, be it a plurk, a personal journal, or wherever. And indeed, some people really do have shitty lives and definitely have a lot to complain about.
But when you are making those complaints in your personal space, please remember this: your friends are not your therapists.
Friends will help you if you're having a tough time. I can think of half-a-dozen times where my life went to shit, and just having someone to talk to really helped. But there is a line where "telling friends about your woes" crosses over into "relying on friends for emotional support," and that is the line where things get hairy.
Your friends are not your therapists. If they were, you would be paying them about fifty bucks an hour to listen to your problems. Pretty much all of your friends are not qualified to be your therapist, and the few that are (I'm sure there's at least a couple professional therapists who enjoy roleplaying) probably don't want to spend their free time listening to every problem you have.
Your friends are not your therapists. We're gathered into a game to roleplay. Sometimes shitty things happen, and I'm sure most players are willing to stop playing to listen to your problems if it's a once in a while thing. But if that gets to the point where you're constantly shirking tags because you have another thing in your life to whine about on plurk and you don't feel like tagging because your boss yelled at you and oops it's time for AC but you don't have any AC to submit because you were plurking the whole time instead of playing then I am unsympathetic to your problems, as most players would be.
Your friends are not your therapists. If you're having problems every day and it goes on for weeks and months then you need help outside of roleplay. I'm not going to say "go get a therapist", because not everyone has the means to pay for therapy or travel to therapy, but that doesn't mean your friends and fellow players will become your de-facto therapists instead. Roleplaying is a hobby meant for fun, and constantly taking up their time with your problems is not fun. If you keep doing it, you'll eventually find yourself friendless.
So if you find yourself making plurks about how much your life sucks everyday, and it's been going on for months, stop and think. Are my problems really that bad that I have to complain about them every day? And if they are, am I taking advantage of my friends by dragging them in to my problems every day? You must remember, your friends are not your therapists. They are your friends, and should be treated as such.
For practice this week, do some self-reflection and think about how often your plurk about life problems, as opposed to game-related things or hobby-related things. It's hard to say a set number of posts equals being emotionally draining, so look in terms of percentages. What subject is the largest percentage of your plurks about? The bigger the percentage, the more likely this lesson is meant for you.
But when you are making those complaints in your personal space, please remember this: your friends are not your therapists.
Friends will help you if you're having a tough time. I can think of half-a-dozen times where my life went to shit, and just having someone to talk to really helped. But there is a line where "telling friends about your woes" crosses over into "relying on friends for emotional support," and that is the line where things get hairy.
Your friends are not your therapists. If they were, you would be paying them about fifty bucks an hour to listen to your problems. Pretty much all of your friends are not qualified to be your therapist, and the few that are (I'm sure there's at least a couple professional therapists who enjoy roleplaying) probably don't want to spend their free time listening to every problem you have.
Your friends are not your therapists. We're gathered into a game to roleplay. Sometimes shitty things happen, and I'm sure most players are willing to stop playing to listen to your problems if it's a once in a while thing. But if that gets to the point where you're constantly shirking tags because you have another thing in your life to whine about on plurk and you don't feel like tagging because your boss yelled at you and oops it's time for AC but you don't have any AC to submit because you were plurking the whole time instead of playing then I am unsympathetic to your problems, as most players would be.
Your friends are not your therapists. If you're having problems every day and it goes on for weeks and months then you need help outside of roleplay. I'm not going to say "go get a therapist", because not everyone has the means to pay for therapy or travel to therapy, but that doesn't mean your friends and fellow players will become your de-facto therapists instead. Roleplaying is a hobby meant for fun, and constantly taking up their time with your problems is not fun. If you keep doing it, you'll eventually find yourself friendless.
So if you find yourself making plurks about how much your life sucks everyday, and it's been going on for months, stop and think. Are my problems really that bad that I have to complain about them every day? And if they are, am I taking advantage of my friends by dragging them in to my problems every day? You must remember, your friends are not your therapists. They are your friends, and should be treated as such.
For practice this week, do some self-reflection and think about how often your plurk about life problems, as opposed to game-related things or hobby-related things. It's hard to say a set number of posts equals being emotionally draining, so look in terms of percentages. What subject is the largest percentage of your plurks about? The bigger the percentage, the more likely this lesson is meant for you.